Hello my name is Nana Konamah and I suffer from perfectionism. I am a fifth generation perfectionist who comes from a long line of over- achievers. I was taught that something was only worth doing  if only I could produce a perfect outcome; and if that couldn’t be guaranteed, then I shouldn’t bother trying- because not trying something was better than failing. This mindset resulting in me doing everything to avoid stepping out of my comfort zone. I did not pursue anything if I couldn’t imagine a perfect ending. When I was in junior high school, I had a keen interest in theatre arts, but stopped myself from auditioning for plays for fear of looking “dumb” or out of place.

In my adult life, I have reasoned myself out of life- building experiences because the thought of doing something so out- of- pocket filled me with serious anxiety- mostly because I couldn't perfectly formulate what the experience would look or feel like. This has resulted in missed opportunities and lots of delayed outcomes. Even in writing this article, I have to talk myself down from “ this isn’t perfect enough” thoughts.

Perfectionism is often times rooted in shame. And shame, according to Dr. Brene Brown, is the number 1 thing that gets in the way of authentic living. Perfectionism becomes  a manifestation of our deep feelings of shame that come from trauma or learned behavior from our childhood or other stages of life. At the heart of perfectionism is a belief that we are not enough and that something needs to complete us and make us whole. So we use perfectionism as our armour to make us feel as though we are indeed worthy of love and belonging. When perfectionism is weaponized it can become the enemy of joy.

When we arm ourselves with perfectionism and use it as a weapon at work we alienate others and miss out from authentic connection. When we weaponize it against ourselves, we eliminate our dreams and cut short our potential by paralyzing ourselves in the grips of “it has to be perfect in order for me to feel like it is worthwhile.” Thing is, perfect literally does not exist; there is always some other level of growth or achievement to experience. And contrary to what some of us have been taught,  perfectionism is not the same as excellence. So, assuming that there is some perfect end to anything assumes that somehow growth has an end and if you believe life is eternal as I do, then we know this to not be true.

So hear this from a recovering perfectionist: YOU ARE ENOUGH! Perfect does not fulfill whatever void you are trying to fill by getting things to 100% (especially since 100% is super subjective and basically doesn't exist). Perfection is often rooted in shame and when weaponized against ourselves, becomes the enemy of growth and self acceptance. It is better to approach every task choosing to be present in full awareness of your abilities and your agency and let go of being PERFECT!

If you have any comments, leave one below. If you would like to get in touch with me, I am always open to chat. Email me or find me on social media. Also feel free to find me on Instagram (@nanakonamah) and LinkedIn (Nana Konamah Boateng). I would love to hear from you!