If I Can Be Completely Vulnerable....

Drawing by Nana Konamah

If I can be completely vulnerable...

Mental and emotional exhaustion ain’t it.

You literally feel like a deflated beach ball. Tired and completely out of it; good luck getting yourself back because even the desire to inflate again can actually disappear leaving you “stuck” for days, weeks, or even months.

The natural response of course is to rush to be “unstuck” To do away with this vulnerability. To do away with the fatigue, to pressure ourselves into feeling like ourselves again. Because like I said: being emotionally and mentally exhausted ain’t it. And you know what else ain’t it? Lying to ourselves. Calling it “emotional and mental exhaustion” was actually the first lie. What I’m experiencing is a full on depression episode. Yup, chronic sadness which usually shows up as emotional and mental tiredness.

Sadness is part of my story. I have battled depressive episodes at least since I was an adolescent. Except back then I just thought I had a bad attitude and didn’t know how to socialize lol, but my avoidance of people was just part of my battle with episodic sadness.

What’s episodic sadness? It’s a type of depression that is not chronic and lasts for 2 weeks or more. It’s not chronic because usually it comes and goes and can be brought on by trauma, tragedy, stress, fatigue and anxiety. In my case, I usually experience 1-2 episodes a year. Usually in the rainy months of Ghana when the sun doesn’t shine much.

This particular episode is brought on by anxiety I have around some major life changes coming my way. Not enough to make me doubt that this new change is for me, but enough to set off my anxious under wiring; making me swing between total nonchalance about having to step out of my comfort zone so much lately, and behaviors that are...well, let’s just say a lot less nonchalant.

For the last few weeks all I’ve wanted to do is eat... a lot. Like make the world disappear and gorge myself with sinful amounts of Waakye, or anything spicy. Food has become my comfort- my way out.

But it’s not all gloom and doom. I’m getting help and keeping my support system and bag of chips close :).

As we approach World Health Day, which also happens to be my birthday, April 7th; I want to bring awareness to mental health. Talking about mental health struggles is never easy, but it can certainly help. I hope this article demystifies and changes the face of what depressions looks like; especially for African women. I want to open the conversation on mental health, depression, anxiety, stress and everything in between.

If you also struggle with depression, guess what?! You’re not alone. If you’re in Ghana, there are resources. One of my favorites being Dr. Carol of Thrive GHANA. Connect with her here.

If you’d like more on mental health, please let me know! I am always at your service.

Thanks for allowing me to be vulnerable.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you are yet to subscribe, make sure you do… Also feel free to find me on Instagram (@nanakonamah) and LinkedIn (Nana Konamah Boateng). I would love to hear from you!